By Stephen C. Schultz
Being an American, I grew up believing that Americans had a “can-do” attitude about almost everything. If there was a disaster, we came to the rescue. If there was a problem that needed solving, we could do so as a nation.
I recall driving with my father in January 1982 and hearing on the radio about the airliner that crashed into the Potomac River outside of Washington, D.C. A group of four or five passengers was stranded in the frigid water. Helicopters flew in to lower life rings and pull out survivors. One man, Arland Williams, repeatedly passed the life ring to others. The chopper would lift people from the water, drop them on the shore, and immediately return for another. Arland Williams helped every other passenger, but when the chopper came back for him, he had disappeared beneath the icy water. To me, that was a true American—brave, selfless, principled, compassionate, daring, committed, and courageous. Tears came to my eyes as the story was told on the radio. My father simply said, "Let's say a prayer for that man and his family."
It seems we live in a time when the walking wounded are all around us. Many have wounded and bruised egos and simply need a kind word of encouragement or to be wrapped in the blanket of belonging. Yet, more and more, it seems that people have lost sight of what it means to be an American.
Why do so many people see themselves as victims? Troubles in life come to people of every socio-economic background, religion, and race. The purpose of life isn’t to find fault or place blame, but to manage, correct, improve, and overcome life’s obstacles as they arise. No doubt, there are injustices, and many of the situations we endure are unfair. But we deceive ourselves when we believe it is the responsibility of others to “make” our lives “okay.”
So often, we find ourselves in situations where “we don’t know what we don’t know.” Let me share an example, drawn from the book Leadership and Self-Deception.
Imagine a small infant just learning to crawl. Dressed in fleece pajamas and ready for bed, she begins pushing herself backward around the house. Eventually, she gets stuck beneath a piece of furniture. Thrashing about—crying and banging her little head against the sides and underside of the furniture—she becomes more and more frustrated. She is stuck and hates it. So, she does the only thing she can think of to free herself—she pushes even harder, which only worsens her predicament. She is more stuck than ever.
If this infant could speak, she might blame the furniture (life’s obstacles) for her troubles. After all, she is doing everything she can think of. The problem couldn’t possibly be hers. But, of course, the problem is hers—even though she can’t see it. The real issue is that she doesn’t recognize how she is contributing to the problem. As a result, nothing she can think of will provide a solution.
How often do we find ourselves in difficult situations and, lacking perspective, look to blame others? If I’m honest with myself, I, too, sometimes fall into the "blame game."
I'm interested in your take on trials we face in life and productive ways you might suggest to work through them. Share your thoughts in the comments.
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