By Stephen C. Schultz
The Nor’easter was rolling in, with reports predicting springtime snow! The high-pitched whine of our compact rental car filled the air as the engine strained at high RPMs, struggling to stay ahead of the storm. The roads were slick, and snowflakes struck the windshield in chaotic patterns as fierce gusts hit us broadside.
Springtime in the Northeast United States can be unpredictable—one day, flowers and trees bloom in full splendor, and the next, icy winds and snowstorms return with a vengeance.
Beside me in the car sat Todd Spaulding, LCSW, CSAT, and former Clinical Director at Oxbow Academy. We were en route to Massachusetts, where we planned to meet with the clinical and academic teams at Chamberlain International School that morning.
Our trip’s purpose was clear: to visit Chamberlain International School and provide a staff training and workshop. We also visited with two additional schools on managing Problematic Sexual Behavior (PSB) in residential and academic settings. Latham Centers and Wediko both invited their therapeutic and academic staff to participate in these workshops. Todd and I were honored to share what we’ve learned since 2006 about this increasingly prevalent issue. Each of these institutions incorporates a therapeutic approach, supporting students with complex emotional challenges.
Addressing the Stigma of Problematic Sexual Behavior
While I won’t delve into the specifics of our workshop presentation, I want to share a few powerful testimonials from parents and students impacted by Oxbow Academy’s work. My hope is that these voices will highlight the widespread concerns surrounding PSB—concerns that, in many ways, parallel the struggles families faced with drug and alcohol addiction decades ago. The most common battle families endure? The weight of stigma.
These testimonials were shared during Oxbow Academy’s quarterly Family Seminars, where parents and students reflect on their journeys:
Parent Perspectives:
“I think our first reaction was, Why would you do something like this? You haven’t been raised this way or taught this way. This is ridiculous. This is inappropriate.” — Ann, Parent
“I mean, you really can’t talk to anyone about it because it’s kind of embarrassing. You almost wish your kid was a drug addict because you could talk to someone about that.” — David, Parent
“You wonder, What kinds of families do these kids come from? They come from your normal, average American family—families with well-adjusted children.” — Susan, Parent
“For us, Oxbow was an answer to prayer. It was a gift from God—exactly what we needed at the time, and still is.” — Jonathan, Parent
Student Perspectives:
“I wish my parents had properly explained how destructive pornography is. It was like, You’re too young to understand this. It’s bad. If they had explained it more thoroughly, it would have helped.” — David, Student
“I was addicted to pornography and sexual fantasies. I was always chasing something ‘better’—the satisfaction. But I was in torment. I knew I needed to stop. It was horrible. I needed to stop. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t have enough self-control to tell my parents or get help.” — Daniel, Student
“How did I start? I got an email with talking dogs. It had a link, so I clicked it. That led me to a pornography website. I watched a couple of videos and got hooked—addicted, in therapy terms. From there, I escalated into worse things, including illegal content, which got me into trouble with the law.” — Landon, Student
“I viewed it constantly—on my DS (Nintendo Dual Screen Gameboy)—for 8-9 hours a day, sometimes more. I could run on two hours of sleep and not even look tired. Whenever I was around my family, I was playing games, so they thought I was just having fun. In reality, I was just trying to access the internet—anywhere, anytime.” — Scott, Student
Breaking the Silence: A Parent’s Realization
“We had no clue—except for the anger. We took him to multiple psychiatrists and psychologists. They diagnosed him with ADHD and separation anxiety. They medicated him, thinking that was the answer. So we went along with it.” — Deborah, Parent
“If only we had known the signs we’ve learned through this treatment process at Oxbow. We could have identified his problem so much earlier. But we didn’t know the signs. Even when we mentioned some of them to professionals, they didn’t pick up on it either. It’s all about education.” — Julia, Parent
A Message from Oxbow Academy’s Executive Director
“The worst thing you can do is keep it a secret. The worst thing you can do is not confront this issue head-on. You must accept it and make the choices that will help.” — Shawn Brooks, Executive Director, Oxbow Academy
“There is hope. You can wrap your arms around your son and actively participate in an intervention that will make a difference.” — Shawn Brooks, Executive Director, Oxbow Academy
Why Education & Awareness Matter
Conversations about Problematic Sexual Behavior in teens are difficult, but they are necessary. If we can educate parents, teachers, and mental health professionals, we can intervene earlier, reduce stigma, and provide life-changing support for families facing this challenge.
If your family is struggling, know this: You are not alone, and there is hope.
For more information on PSB treatment options, professional training, and resources, visit Oxbow Academy.
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