Treat People Like They’re Under Construction

By Stephen C. Schultz

Five Ways to Support Others as They Grow

I find it interesting that when someone is remodeling their home, visitors are very tolerant of improvements that are obviously underway. They understand that dust, mess, and exposed beams are part of the process. You might even hear comments like, “It’s going to be beautiful when it’s done!” or “I love seeing the progress!”

Yet when someone is remodeling their character, we often don’t extend the same grace. Instead of supporting the process, we sometimes call attention to the “mess” in progress or worse, we remind them of what their “house” used to look like, as if they’re not allowed to change the floorplan.

But here’s the truth: our lives are all Design/Build projects. We learn as we go. We draft blueprints based on what we think will work, and then we tweak them in real time. There’s no perfect plan from the start, only vision, intention, and a whole lot of revision.

So how do we show up for others in the middle of their build? How can we be helpful instead of critical when someone is doing the hard work of becoming better?

Here are five actions each of us can take:

1. Be Patient with the Process

Remodeling, whether it's a kitchen or a character flaw, takes time. Things get worse before they get better. The drywall dust has to settle. Growth often happens out of sight, and missteps are part of the blueprint. Be the kind of person who supports without judgment.

2. Celebrate Small Wins

In construction, even installing new light fixtures is cause for celebration, it means something is coming together. Do the same for people. Notice the small wins: a better reaction, a sincere apology, a healthier boundary. Those little moments are signs of big things to come.

3. Don’t Define People by Their Past

It doesn’t help to walk through someone’s under-construction life pointing out everything that used to be broken. Just because someone was one way doesn’t mean they’re staying that way. If they’re tearing down old walls, let them.

4. Check Your Own Blueprint

Sometimes what we notice, or criticize, in others says more about what’s unfinished in us. If someone’s growth makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself why. Are you protecting your own unexamined patterns? True support starts with self-awareness.

5. Choose Compassion Over Commentary

It’s easy to notice flaws. It takes maturity to hold your tongue and offer kindness instead. Think of compassion as the scaffolding that helps people keep building. Your encouragement might be the beam they hang the next part of their life on.

We’re All Still Under Construction

In life, there’s no “move-in ready.” There’s always something being reworked, repainted, or completely rebuilt. So let’s treat people like we’d want our own renovation projects treated, with patience, encouragement, and grace.

After all, when someone is doing the hard work of remodeling their life, the least we can do is not walk through their site like an inspector. Better to be the friend who says, “I see where you’re going with this, and I love it.”