By Stephen C. Schultz
As we enter the holiday season, my hope is that it brings meaningful time with family and moments of renewed connection. For many, this time of year is restorative. For others, it can quietly intensify what is already fragile.
It is a difficult reality that inquiries often increase around the holidays. When teens are already struggling, the added expectations, social pressures, and family dynamics of the season can amplify underlying issues. If you are a parent finding yourself in that place, please know you are not alone.
Adolescents who are navigating depression, anxiety, trauma, or complicated peer relationships often experience the world in ways that feel narrow and rigid. That isn’t a criticism, it is developmental reality, particularly when emotional concerns are layered onto typical adolescence. Perspective can become constricted. Reactions can become heightened.
Some teens who struggle academically or act out with anger develop a guarded stance toward their parents. It is not uncommon for them to position themselves as peers rather than children, challenging authority, demanding control, or attempting to dictate the family dynamic. What often appears as defiance is frequently a reflection of insecurity, shame, or an effort to manage overwhelming internal experiences.
At Oxbow Academy, we have observed that adolescents tend to be more receptive to guidance when they are in a structured, neutral environment, one where the parent-child power struggle is temporarily reduced and the focus shifts to accountability, skill development, and relationship repair. Even then, teens may attempt to exert control through immature or impulsive behaviors. Those same strategies that created difficulty at home can surface in treatment, where they can be addressed directly and constructively.
The phrase “out of control” often brings to mind angry, oppositional, or substance-using teens. Yet it can just as accurately describe a young man immobilized by depression, anxiety, ADHD, learning differences, Autism Spectrum Disorder, or other clinically complex concerns. When an adolescent’s internal world feels chaotic, his external behavior often reflects that turmoil.
There is hope, even for teens who appear resistant to help. Thoughtful evaluation, clear structure, and developmentally informed treatment can help reestablish appropriate roles within the family and support healthier identity formation.
The holidays can heighten both strain and longing. They can also become a turning point. If your family is facing challenges during this season, know that support and meaningful change are possible.
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