By Stephen C. Schultz
Over the last 25 years, I have noticed a shift in the youth my organization works with and in the struggles these young people encounter. What I am seeing is not merely symptomatic of a rebellious teen or the burdens that accompany mental illness.
It seems many students and families are headed down a path with very few options for changing course. What I’m sensing is that our society, in general, is struggling in many ways. What I see happening with our youth is symptomatic of larger social ills. What I’m observing touches the very heart of identity—the essence of who we are. It raises the question of who we are as a society and who we are as individuals.
As I work with teens who find themselves involved in dishonest behavior, unhealthy relationships, and entitled attitudes, there is one common thread that runs through every family situation. Throughout the teen’s stages of childhood and adolescence, these young people have moved away from life’s tasks that contribute to the development of an identity and have slipped into the world of developing an image.
It’s important to note that image and identity are two very different things.
As each of us moves into adulthood, it is through the accomplishment of life’s tasks that we gain competencies. These tasks include mastering school, navigating work, and building healthy family relationships. As we gain mastery in these areas, we develop a set of social skills that include determination, courage, honesty, trust, integrity, insight, loyalty, and knowledge. It is through this developmental process—and the practice of these particular skills—that an identity is formed.
Image, on the other hand, is rooted in perception, not competency. It’s more about how one appears than who they truly are.
So, as I reflect on myself, my community, and my nation, I find myself wondering: Where is the tipping point? Are we becoming a nation of self-centered individuals, preoccupied with the next selfie and maintaining an image? Or are we grounded in a quiet confidence built on the foundation of a solid identity?
As I work to develop a healthy sense of identity, I find myself less concerned with both my own image and the image others project. Identity, rooted in values and lived experience, brings a sense of stability that image simply can’t offer. When we’re grounded in who we are, we no longer feel the same pressure to perform, impress, or conform. We begin to see others more clearly too—not through the lens of appearance or status, but through the lens of empathy and shared humanity.
What are your thoughts?
Comments