Skip to main content

The value of relationships in transition

By Stephen C. Schultz


The air was crisp with the feel of late summer. A dull glow was slowly appearing over the muted green horizon that was laced with the tops of large Douglas Fir trees. I stood next to the trunk of one of those very trees, gazing out upon the calm morning water that would bring with it a day of fishing. With my son, my father, my brother in-law and my nephew, we set out on the water. In fact, it was a day that began a week of travel that included three different lakes, fishing and family visits.



The lakes were Odell Lake in Central Oregon, Collard Lake on the Oregon Coast and Bear Lake that splits the Utah and Idaho border. Activities included the before mentioned fishing but also much needed time with grandparents, uncles, aunts cousins and extended family.



There was blood from the prick of a fish hook. There was sweat from time spent cleaning and sweeping the roof and rain gutters of grandparents too frail to keep up with the never-ending chores of home ownership. There were tears while visiting with my grandmother, who at 99 years old is simply a shell of the woman we knew at loved. There was laughter at the telling of funny stories and the many memories of times gone by.




I could write about each experience and share a travel log of time spent. However, that is not what dominated my thoughts while on this trip. It was something quite different. I found myself constantly being drawn back to the concept of transitions in life. It was the time in the car traveling with my son who is making a transition back to college. It was staying up late consoling my mother about her mother who is navigating the last stages of this life in a very poignant way. It was speaking with a sister in-law who I haven’t seen in many years, reconnecting and discussing the issues surrounding her aging parents.


Life seems to be a never ending transition. We are forever working to reach a destination that never comes. Time is that elusive natural law that is always there. There are instances in our lives where time is forgiving as it passes. There are also instances where we seem to constantly be in a battle with time. Regardless of our situation in life, time always brings with it a transition of some kind that we must navigate, interpret, understand and make sense of. We can try to ignore time. We can try to control time. We can fight it or try and make it our friend. The bottom line is that time has no feelings. Time has no agenda. Time simply is time. It passes to never come back.



So, what does this have to do with anything? Some pretty deep thoughts to be sure. I think the take away for me in all of this is that time and transitions in life are constant. Some are larger than others. The one constant besides time, is the relationships we have with others. It’s the relationships we foster that bring meaning to transitions in life.

For those of us who are people of faith, it’s the relationships we develop that transcend time. It’s the hope of a hereafter where relationships we value in this earthly existence can continue. It’s the desire for a reunion with loved ones who have gone on before us. It’s the realization that once the career, the money, the clothes and prestige are gone, we are only left with relationships.


But, no matter the size or the details of our personal transitions, we are always reminded that we are not fully comfortable in this enigma called time.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Young Boy and the Rattlesnake

By Stephen C. Schultz (Editors note: This is a story used in a Wilderness Treatment Program. Many come to this program having struggled with depression, anxiety and substance use.)   Many years ago there was a young Native American who lived in the very land you are residing in. He decided to seek wisdom by journeying to the top of Indian Peak. As he approached the base of the mountain he came across a rattlesnake that slithered beside him. The snake coiled as if to strike and the young boy moved back quickly in fear of being struck by the snake’s deadly venom. At that instant the snake spoke to the boy saying, “Don’t be afraid of me, I mean you no harm. I come to you to ask a favor. I see that you are about to traverse to the top of Indian Peak and was hoping that you may be willing to place me in your satchel so that I don’t have to make the long journey alone.” The young boy surprised by the snake’s request quickly responded by turning down the offer, stating, ...

Measuring What Matters: Oxbow’s Edge in Predicting Progress

By Stephen C. Schultz Therapists are highly trained to guide, support, and assess progress. Yet, research continues to show that even experienced clinicians have mixed results at predicting which clients will improve, drop out, or struggle in therapy. This isn’t a critique of therapists—it’s a reality supported by data. And for those who place trust in residential treatment programs—families, school districts, educational consultants, and Managed Care Organizations (MCOs)—this insight is critical. At Oxbow Academy , we take this seriously. That’s why we use validated, research-backed tools to supplement clinical intuition and track meaningful progress in real time. Research Shows: Intuition Isn’t Enough In a foundational study by Hannan et al. (2005), therapists failed to recognize which of their clients were likely to experience treatment failure—even when objective outcome data pointed to risks. Similarly, Hatfield et al. (2010) demonstrated that therapists tend to overestima...

Treat People Like They’re Under Construction

By Stephen C. Schultz Five Ways to Support Others as They Grow I find it interesting that when someone is remodeling their home, visitors are very tolerant of improvements that are obviously underway. They understand that dust, mess, and exposed beams are part of the process. You might even hear comments like, “It’s going to be beautiful when it’s done!” or “I love seeing the progress!” Yet when someone is remodeling their character , we often don’t extend the same grace. Instead of supporting the process, we sometimes call attention to the “mess” in progress—or worse, we remind them of what their “house” used to look like, as if they’re not allowed to change the floorplan. But here’s the truth: our lives are all Design/Build projects. We learn as we go. We draft blueprints based on what we think will work, and then we tweak them in real time. There’s no perfect plan from the start—only vision, intention, and a whole lot of revision. So how do we show up for others in the middle of...