By Stephen C. Schultz
If you are the parent of a teen, chances are you have a pretty good sense when something isn’t quite right. Most parents have that parental intuition—a quiet but persistent feeling that a child’s thoughts, attitudes, or behaviors may be heading in an unhealthy direction.
The challenge is that, as parents, we don’t want to believe our teen could be struggling in a serious way. When concerning behaviors emerge, it’s common to minimize or rationalize them with thoughts like:
“When I was their age, I struggled with some of the same things. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Oh…it’s just hormones. She’ll be fine.”
“All teens go through this. He’ll grow out of it.”
Sometimes those reassurances are true. Other times, they prevent us from recognizing when our child needs more support.
When Is It More Than “Just a Phase”?
As parents, how do we know when normal adolescent development crosses into something more serious? How can we tell the difference between typical teenage growing pains and a deeper issue that requires intervention?
Unfortunately, there is no parental “owner’s manual” or step-by-step recipe for raising kids. When concerns arise, most families take the right first step by seeking outpatient therapy. Teens often attend begrudgingly, while parents feel relieved and hopeful that help is finally in place.
However, after a month or two, many parents begin to notice that little has changed. In some cases, things even get worse. Teens may view the therapist as just another authority figure, and meaningful engagement never takes hold. When this happens, families are often left wondering: Is the therapist the wrong fit? Is therapy failing? Is my child resistant to treatment?
In reality, outpatient therapy is just one level of care on a broader continuum of care. A lack of progress doesn’t usually mean the therapist—or the teen—has failed. More often, it means a different level of support is needed.
Below are three common signs that outpatient therapy may not be the right level of care.
1. Lack of Motivation
Do you find yourself doing most of the worrying, planning, and reminding for your teen? Does it feel like you’re constantly “nagging” just to get them to show up, follow through, or engage?
Other signs may include:
Social withdrawal or isolation
Difficulty interacting with age-appropriate peers
Most social engagement happening online through gaming or social media
Declining grades or chronic procrastination
Little to no study routine
Neglect of personal hygiene
When motivation steadily declines, it’s often a signal that something deeper is going on.
2. Damaged Family Relationships
Over the past year, has tension in your home increased? Is there more yelling, conflict, or emotional distance? Do family members feel like they are “walking on eggshells” to avoid triggering an argument?
You may notice:
A growing lack of empathy for others
A sense that everything revolves around your teen
Constant resistance to rules or boundaries
Coming and going without regard for family schedules
Suspected or confirmed substance use
When family relationships begin to erode, it can leave parents feeling exhausted, discouraged, and unsure how to restore connection.
3. “Failure to Launch”
For some families, these patterns start in high school and are brushed off with the hope that maturity will come with time. Then college—or adulthood—arrives, and things quickly unravel.
You may be asking yourself:
Why can’t my child manage basic adult responsibilities?
Why are they stuck in entry-level jobs or unable to keep one?
Why do they seem unmotivated, depressed, or strangely comfortable living at home?
Parents often find themselves caught between frustration and guilt—lecturing about responsibility one moment, then feeling heartache the next because this is still their child.
When Issues Are More Complex
Parenting is hard enough on its own. It becomes even more challenging when these struggles are compounded by additional factors, such as:
Adoption-related issues
Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NLD)
Depression or anxiety
Bipolar disorder
Substance use
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
When multiple concerns overlap, it’s often unrealistic to expect that time alone will resolve them.
Taking the Next Step
If you see your family reflected in any of these situations, you are not alone—and you are not failing as a parent. Most teens and young adults do not simply “grow out of” the challenges described above.
When outpatient therapy has not been effective, exploring a higher level of care—such as residential or wilderness therapy—may be an appropriate next step. Many families also benefit from consulting with an Independent Educational Consultant, who can help guide them through available options and determine what level of care best fits their child’s needs.
Seeking help is not a sign of giving up. It is an act of care, courage, and advocacy for your child’s future.
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